CMJ is not just for college and hipster douchebags!

It can be for older, drunken douchebags too! Like me!
The annual CMJ fest in NY brings 100's of wet behind the ear little scumbuckets; who think My Chemical Romance is an oldies act and have only heard of Social Distortion from Hot Topic.
Into this maelstrom of ignorance and hipsetrism, your intrepid reporter ventured forth. No so much to see a billion bands that are weak and fey enuff to make Justin Bieber feel manly; but to sample the kinds of bands that I dig- YEAH, PUNK ROCK!

This past Saturday I said fukkit and went all out. Armed with a press pass (yeah, I be a member of the 4th estate), I went into the gaping maw of black clad nincompoops from the Tea Party states and took my chances.

My first stop was in Manhattan to see the mighty OFF!. Led by former Circle Jerk and Black Flag screamer Keith Morris and Redd Kross bass gawd Steven McDonald, OFF! was in town to show the little peckerheads how old skool punk rawk was really done. Supporting their new 4 song ep (4 songs 3:45 minutes!!!!!!), OFF! shredded the stage and kicked major ass.

OFF! Live CMJ

The OFF! thing was a pr event sponsored by vitaminwater and fader magazine. It took place in a huge space ugly with tons of college age squids. None of whom pretty much had a clue that Punk Rock wasn't invented by Green Day.

However, the venue had all the free spudweiser and vodka you could drink (and, ahem, I can drink alot of free swill). I ran into Steve McDonald before the show and innerviewed him (the McDonald interview can be found here and here) - sorry for the drunken slurring, but, I did mention the free beer and vodka, didn't I? )

OFF! were great- totally punk rock with an average length of one minute per song. Keith kept mentioning how no one there was old enuff to remember punk rock (he was right)- most of the people there were there for the "scene" and maybe the other really shitty synth twee pop crap bands and house music d-jays.

I could have hooked up with a 19 year old stripper chick who looked like Slash's sister and who kept rubbing up against me, but her very gay friend dragged her away after a few minutes-  he said he had seen Black Flag one year at lollaforlosers. I corrected him and said maybe it was the Rollins band, and then he said- "who's black flag, I meant anti-flag".

One nice part was the beer was free as I mentioned and the kiddies were weaklings, I kept sending various sucknuts to fetch me more suds as I sat in a leather comfy chair.

Afterwards, I ended up meeting with my drummer  j-lo and we headed over to Brooklyn (aka- Satan's armpit). This was to see Me First And The Gimme Gimme's- America's favorite cover band- punk versions of everything from "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" to "Desperado" to "Science Fiction Double Feature". The show was waaaaay sold out, but I was very drunk, and figured i could talk our way into the show. Which i did very easily. The bruthers at the door did not want to deal with a drunken Nazz and gave us entry.

Heckling Me First 

Once again, a venue packed with cmj assholes. The bands were all good- old guy punk rock - I was chatty and had some encounters with stupid little girls (one was wearing a Queen 1982 tour shirt- i asked her the story behind the shirt and she said she had picked it up at Hot Topic by her college in Virginia). Oh, also things got weird with me, jlo and some older chick with a louise brooks/betty page haircut- she went out to ganjy with us and she essentially was daring us to molest her in an alley way. No kidding. Her Danish boyfriend (who was very cool and had a Joe Strummer/Robert Gordon haircut that must have cost $1000 krona or whatever they use for money) was back inside (line of the nite- I asked him if he had trouble making decisions - Hamlet!!!! Get it??????)





Me First were great- lots of insults thrown back and forth from/to the audience. I heckled Fat Mike. Alot. I  kept calling him a hippie as i was standing 5 feet away from him. He was getting really really pissed.

Afterwards it was $2 taco's at the Mexican food truck.

  good times.