April 30, 2011

Bands That Suck

The following bands can blow me. Short of that, and having them show up at my doorstep on their knees with mouths agape ready to swallow the issue of my fetid seed down their mouths, they can simply eat the rotted remains of Jim Morrison's esophagus.

Radiohead- Mopey asshole whiny-fuck-pop-star wannabees from the land that saw fit to perform a country wide circle jerk for the union of two horse faced douchebags who would just as soon have the entire nation die of starvation if it meant that they could garner one more crown jewel. Thom Yorke should have crushed up poodles shoved down his gullet. I would wish harm on the rest of the band, but I don't know who the fuck they are. At least Pearl Jam are American and probably get to fuck alot of real hot mid-western chicks who dream about sopping up Eddie Vedder's ejaculate with their flannel shirts. I mean, do they even sell flannel shirts in the UK? Real flannel... not that bullshitty new wave plaid stuff.
Notable exception- Paranoid Android... only because it's a Pink Floyd song. 

Genesis - Anyone who debates the "era's" of Genital-cyst (that's pretty farking clever) for relevance and quality (ie Hackett vs Gabriel vs Collins vs who gives a fuck) should stop wasting their time and start instead pondering the stages of anal cancer and how one stage is better than another.
Notable Exception - The future death of Phil Collins

Bon Jovi- As an American I fully support the rights of money hungry cock suckers from New Jersey to make a buck off of the teeming masses whenever possible. Oh, my mistake, I confused these A.O.R. hacks with Snooki and The Situation. Jon Bon Jovi is musical AIDS.
Notable Exception- Richie Sambora dropped his load into Heather Locklear for a long time and still keeps going to rehab.

Kanye West- Would it be racisty to say that this guy is a non-rappable self absorbed publicity whore who actually was offended when he lost a meaningless award to Taylor Swift? Guess what, fuck face, at least she has two tits and a vagina... which gives her three things alot more useful than anything you have or have ever done.
Notable exception - He's tappin' Beyonce. Damn, got him confused with that Jay Zee guy.

The Pixies- Whaddya get when you up: a pussyass band name + a fat fuck + the only woman in the world I wouldn't fuck + 2 guys who I wouldn't recognize if I was running them over with my gas guzzling SUV? The world's most favoritist college band (trademark). That is, if you were in college in the 90's and never got laid. Ooh, I'm a Pixie. Kill me now. The same folk who wear Pixies shirts also stick gardenias up their ass and pretend they're Morrissey.
I saw their movie (I think it's called Suck Eat Suck) and Black Francis was lying on a hotel bed in his skivvies. I may never get an erection again.
Notable exception - Awaiting Black Francis' appearance on The Biggest Loser (or whuddevah that fat person losing weight show is).

That's it for now... I'm going back to my steady regimen of Minor Threat, early Black Flag, Motorhead, The Stooges, Killdozer. And RUSH. PS- Fuck you- RUSH FUCKING RULES! And I've gotten laid when 2112 was on (of course that was back around 1986) Oh yeah, download my band's new rekkid (STABBY ROAD) fer free. (shameless plug).



Anonymous said...

I have to agree totaly

Anonymous said...

"Mopey asshole whiny-fuck-pop-star wannabees from the land that saw fit to perform a country wide circle jerk for the union of two horse faced douchebags who would just as soon have the entire nation die of starvation if it meant that they could garner one more crown jewel"

Fuck you, Yank, do you also believe everything you see on Fox News? Most people here (in the home of punk) didn't give a fuck and just liked having a day off work. My brother lives in London and had a wander down there and told me most of the crowds were fat-arsed fucking American tourists.

Nazz Nomad said...

Dear anonymous friend from the UK- I beleive EVERYTHING I see on Fox News- that's what we do in Amerikkka, we're led with a TV cable directly implanted into our frontal lobes by Fox News.
AND...I was busy with my hand down my pants watching the coverage on the "non-neo-con" stations.
Actually, I wasn't watching at all. Pro wrestling was on. And that's a fuckload more believable and entertaining than the TV News.

No offence meant for the attack on the non- star fuckers.

- fer realzies...

Nazz Nomad said...

wait a minute- they gave ya'll a DAY OFF???????

Anonymous said...

--"(in the home of punk)"

Last I heard the Ramones (from the USA!) were punk and they were around in 1975. The British have a sordid history of ripping off American musical trends and claiming them as their own. Like when Eric Clapton invented the blues. So yeah, fuck Radiohead.

And for the record, I'm one of the few Americans without a fat ass. And I would never want to go to London (smile, you're on CCTV!!!)


Piley said...

seriously LMAO!!!!! great blog, even greater comments!!!

Hahaha! yeah we did get a day off (it was a public holiday), but of course most of us didn't get paid, so not great news really!


infinite fool said...

You know why so many people hate Americans? Because they know we're having more fun than they are. Hell, we ARE more fun than they are. We go to their homes and have more fun there than they ever did, and it pisses 'em off.

BTW, I kinda liked Radiohead right up until the anonymous dipshit above spoke up. Now they can, indeed, blow you, just for being defended by such a sore loser.

infinite fool said...

I still like Genesis, though - but only during the post-Peter Gabriel, pre-Steve-Hackett's-departure era.

And as for "Paranoid Android" being a Pink Void song, thanks for ruining it for me. Now I have to be bored by that one, too.

Mrowster said...

Haha Nazz - saw that first comment coming a mile a way. Remember the first rule of blogging: STOP WRITING AFTER YOU FINISH THE FIRST SIX PACK. Especially when you're a contrary bastard :) Me, I had to learn the hard way . . .

That said: these are all pretty easy targets to hate, I must admit. But I most agree with your venom fired in the direction of THE PIXIES. Those scam artists were the first to really cash in on the whole alterno-nation thang, and they did it by recycling the cheapest/easiest bits of noveltyesque underground 80's rock (DEAD MILKMEN, POP-O-PIES, etc). I mean, it was gonna happen at some point fr sure, but that don't mean I had to like it when it did. You and I, clearly, HATED it equally.

Nazz Nomad said...

mrow- according to my "sobriety meter" i haven't had a contact in almost 4 weeks. i think that's what's

Nazz Nomad said...

i would like to add that the following is the greatest thing I have ever seen. it sums up everything wonderful and perfect in this world.


justin said...

You're commentary had me rolling (although I must admit that when I was in college in the 80's I liked a Pixies tune or two, hahaha), then the ever anon naysayer. As you did, I thought it was cool that they got a day off (for a couple of shit turds to show that they are the "haves") and then I was rolling again when I found out it was not a paid holiday (still laughing about that one). And then you top it off with the Miley vid, proof positive that the human race has what ever apocalyptic nightmare there will be, coming to it.

Wanted to give you a heads up that I did my feeble ass attempt at a review of Stabby Road over at my place. Thanx for making it available for free (as they say, if it's free it's for me, except herpes and Rush tickets, hahaha).

DJ Twisted Sister said...

LOL @ the royals reference - These bands were probably on the DJ playlist at their reception.

The worst offenders on your list are Bon Jovi, but Kanye's a close second.

Don said...

I don't have as much hatred for those bands as you, but I think we need more people calling out the truth as you have done.

I'll add U2 to the list and point out a mistake. Rush should have been in the list, not in a separate paragraph at the bottom. 40+ years and they still can't find someone who can sing better than Geddy? Hell, they might as well change their name to Velvet Revolver.

Nazz Nomad said...

Don- You darest sayeth Rush is not worthy of adulation and worship??????? I take offense at thee! Rush inhabits the highest of mountains!!!!!!

ps- i love your site!

Dr. Thumbprint said...

Isn't Rush just Genesis with better guitars and fascist politics?

Anonymous said...

I didn't get that this was all ironic till I got to the part about Rush. (Or RUSH.) That positive comment sarcasmatized everything that came before.)

Nazz Nomad said...

Rush rocks- there is no irony behind anything i write.