September 28, 2010

Worn From The Inside Out

I am so vegged out from the usual that I don't even have the capacity to think. Just starin' at the 'puter screen, giggling and slack-jawed.

Here are some perfect videos from my youth. You know where to find the original songs (most likely in yer rekkid collection).

September 24, 2010

I Am Justin Bieber's Spleen

Ra-di-a-tion. Yes, indeed. You hear the most outrageous lies about it. Half-baked goggle-box do-gooders telling everybody it's bad for you. Pernicious nonsense. Everybody could stand a hundred chest X-rays a year. They ought to have them, too. When they canceled the project it almost did me in. One day my mind was full to bursting. The next day - nothing. Swept away. But I'll show them. I had a lobotomy in the end.

Oh yeah, we are playing a gig in Hell's armpit (aka hipsterville- Williamsburg, Brooklyn Noo Yawk) at THE TRASH BAR this Saturday nite.

We are also going on at the ungawdly hour of 8 pm. The benefits???? We play during an open bar. Yeah, free drinks from 8-9. I have no idea how much it is to get in, but if you can't get your drink on enough to justify whatever the measly cover is, than who the fuck wants you there anyway!!!!!!

Also appearing is HIGH TEEN BOOGIE- three Japanese chicks who rock punker than the 5-6-7-8's are will put a pup tent in yer pants alot quicker than Shonen Knife (or the two tiny chicks from Mothra).

Free booze, total rock and roll chaos. Beats whackin' off to Justin Bieber. Or something.

September 20, 2010

The Most Interesting Man In The World

Ladies and germs, the most interesting person of our generation.

No one has ever run the insanity gauntlet and ended up (supposedly) in a saner state of mind than Iron Mike.

Would ANY of us had done better?

I remember the sense of invincibility that he had before the Buster Douglas fight and how he absolutely destroyed Michael Spinks and Larry Holmes. Hell, he took Spinks out with a body shot! A body shot I tells ya's!!!!!

I'm toastin' ya, Mike! I hope you find whatever it is yer lookin' for!

September 16, 2010

September 12, 2010

Lunatics Aren't Just On The Right

I've been involved in a flame war with some liberal loons as of late. It appears that they are convinced that the Bush administration was behind the 9-11 attacks. They cite various "evidence" such as WTC Building #7 collapsing, Bush's brother being involved in WTC security, etc.

Now, I am as anti Repugnikkkan as anyone, but, to think that the gang of fuck-ups that were running the country for (at that point) less than 9 months could have devised and executed anything as complex as the murders of that awful event is a bit delusional. This ain't the movies, and would the government be able to have kept it quiet? Come on now.

Sure, the USA has been complicit in starting wars before. The Spanish American War ("Remember The Maine" - blown up by pro US war factions), WW1 (The Lusitania carrying munitions) and Viet Nam (which was a tie!) were all shady. However, to think that elected officials would be insane and callous enough to have planned out 9-11 (including the Pentagon bombings) is sheer lunacy. Or something.

These left leaning folks make the Tea Party look sane.

PS- Man never walked on the moon! Click here for proof!

September 9, 2010

New Hope For The Wretched

So, I get a call from my old band mate Jimmy Pillows the other day. He has a gig booked for this Friday and wants to know if I'll play with him and his drummer buddy. Probably in front of an audience of five (including the bartender). Considering that I haven't played the old songs for a looooong time, never played with the drummer and we have one nite to rehearse, I say "sure".

I forget sometimes that the point of this whole rock n roll thing is to actually have fun and play. It's not about recording, audience size or any of that other bullshit. It's a lesson that was reinforced when I hooked up with these guys last nite. Jimmy and Chris are older than me, and gave me the gospel on "hey it's great to be alive and having fun doing this". They were right. We had a blast, running thru old toonage as well as some chestnuts to play like "Chinese Rocks", "I Wanna Be Your Dog" and "I Just Wanna Have Something To Do". 2 hours later, we had the set down cold.

We also named the band BACON THONG. Hey... everybody likes bacon! It was either that or "Shooting Joan Burroughs". It's a one off, not anything permanent (especially as I still have the mighty CATERWAUL OF SOUND - still recording the elpee). But these guys live near me and to hook up every now and then will be fun. Rehearsing with Caterwaul tomorrow for three hours and then a quick gig with Bacon Thong.

After all, that's what it is all about!

So I wake up today and get an email that the show tomorrow was canceled.

That's rock n roll!

September 6, 2010

I'm One

Every year is the same
And I feel it again,
I'm a loser - no chance to win.
Leaves start falling,
Come down is calling,
Loneliness starts sinking in

But I'm one.
I am one.
And I can see
That this is me,
And I will be,
You'll all see
I'm the one.

Where do you get
Those blue blue jeans
Faded patched secret so tight.
Where do you get
That walk oh so lean
Your shoes and your shirts
All just right.
But I'm One 
I am one.
And I can see
That this is me,
And I will be,
You'll all see
I'm the one.

I got a Gibson
Without a case

But I can't get that even tanned look on my face.
Ill fitting clothes
I blend in the crowd,
Fingers so clumsy
Voice too loud.

But I'm one.

September 3, 2010

My Life In Porn

Years ago, old Nazz had a job for about half a decade at one of the world's leading purveyors of "Adult Sophisticate" publications. Yeah, in other words, PORN MAGS.

It was a job, the technology was fantastic (we had every retouching program out available, and the most modern computers) and the pay was good. Missus Nomad, being the good and trusting wife she is, held her tongue and dealt with this career. Besides, it was better than being unemployed.

Much of my job revolved around print quality and retouching the photos. We had some serious talent-- we could make Margaret Thatcher look like Jessica Alba. Whaddya think? Every porn chick has blue eyes and perfect tits?

Anyway, after about 6 years, I moved on to greener, if less vaginarian pastures.

I was reminiscing about the job as it was alot of fun (and NO- I never, I repeat NEVER, strayed off the reservation, despite numerous opportunities) and some crazy shit would happen.

Here's a handful of my favorites:

One of our titles had a feature every month called "Granny's Bisquits" in which we would pair an old woman with some young buck for a disgusting yet compelling pictorial. Nothing is more nausea inducing than retouching color on an 80 year old labia at 9:30 in the morning after a hearty "hangover sandwich" (ie: egg, bacon, cheese on a roll).


One time we used Demi Moore's mom (her name was Virginia and she was as weathered as Keef Richards) as a "subject" in one of our mags and posed her naked with a body painted tux as vanity fair did w/ her daughter and took other nasty pix (like pretending she was pregnant). She was estranged from Demi and apparently in really bad shape and of course we gave her some money and took visual advantage of her. I also remember hearing a couple of years later how she killed herself. Oops.

Our Christmas parties were legendary. One year, one of our editors brought his kick-ass blues band to play in our offices. Add to this mix: open bar, copious amounts of drugs and porn chicks. At one point two girls went at each other rather lustily in Sapphic throes right in front of the band. To the bands credit, they never stopped playing. That was also the party in which, while I was sitting in my office, having a holiday dram of Rebel Yell, a naked girl wandered into my office and offered to take "a load off my mind". I politely refused. What an idiot I was!

Have a swell weekend everyone!