July 11, 2012
Mr. Softie vs The Giant Spider
Middle of the day, I took a break from work (I work out of my home), and I walked to the front steps of my purple columned house in the middle of suburbia, with the Ramones flag flapping in the breeze and just admired the flora and fauna around me. The crabgrass is coming up nicely on the front lawn, the hydrangeas are purple and red and white, there were squirrels playing happy rodent games, and birds were chirping and cavorting. Cardinals, bluejays, robins, sparrows, doves, even a woodpecker.
I thought of my above ground pool, where I baste in the sun drunkenly for hours on end.
I thought to myself... this suburban shit is pretty cool sometimes.
Tonight, I heard the Mr. Softie truck coming down the street and I went out to grab a couple of ice cream cones for me and Nazz Jr.
I embarked from the door... and walked into a massive spider and it's web, that had used my purple columns as a skeleton to devise a snare that Shelob would've envied. Mr. (or Miss) spider actually bounced off my head, as I cursed and psychotically ripped the webs out of my face.
We're selling the house tomorrow. Back to the city. Fuck this mother nature shit.