January 11, 2009

Phuck Phish


So, I see Phish are reuniting. Big Phucking deal. Although it would be phunny to see if all those old Phish-Heads pushing Phorty have showered yet.

Back in the day, I listened to a phair share of Phish (OK, I'll stop now). In the early to mid 90's; as the Grateful Dead had turned into a leaden behemoth, being crushed equally under the weight of stupor-stardom and Garcia's penchant for smack and chocolate doughnuts... I started to do the tour/collecting tapes (ask your parents) thang. After all, they were contemporaries of mine and had many of the same influences (The Who, Stones, Punk, Funk, Classic Rock). I was certainly thrilled when they broke out The Who's Quadrophenia one Halloween.

I can admit to enjoying a phew (oops sorry) of their shows, culminating in a memorable New Years Eve stand at Madison Square Garden at the end of 1994.

However, I quickly tired of them. The music constantly threatened to somehow be both pretentious and bereft of any significance. It was really annoying as well to stare at Trey's blissed out eyes-closed puss... combining equal parts self satisfaction and Heroin bliss... as well as those asshole Phish fans.

You know the ones... the Trustafarian-Wookie-Clueless-Barefoot-Neophyte-SmellyIdiots who thought they were the second coming of the sixties. They combined all the clueless, ignorant and "babe in the woods" aspects of the hippies with none of the street smarts that were needed to survive. Guess what, you NYU rich prick; showering is cool. Seeing these nit-wits walking around outside Mad Sq Garden barefoot amongst the broken glass and syringes was truly mortifying.

This culminated in a 1996 show, in which three kids high on Acid sat next to me at a show, continuously asking me to guide them through their trip. "Should I go to the bathroom?" one asked me. "Um, do you have to?" I answered. The last thing I gave a crap about was some douchebag who bought his drugs cashing in Mater and Pater's college checks.

When they played the Talking Heads' odious "Remain In Light" lp, my buddy Killer Kim said to me... "This band sucks, we can never listen to them again". A direction that I have followed ever since.

Although, I must admit, i am contemplating buying some tix for the tour and selling em for a hefty mark-up! Hey, times are tough!

Ahh, phuck it all. Here's some Punk Rock.

Toonage:

Teengenerate - Don't Come Close
Adolescents - Kids Of The Black Hole
MIA - I Hate Hippies
The Queers - If You Only Had A Brain
Vandals - People That Are Going To Hell

39 comments:

Michael said...

Ha! Great post, and nice to hear an actual participant calling this stuff like it was. I didn't swim anywhere near this guys back then, but did know more than a few of their clueless, trustifarian fans.

Critics always assumed Deadheads would naturally get excited by PHISH jams, but all the PHISH fans I knew were more tech-oriented dweebs who could never actually stomach the formidable slop/looseness quotient coughed up by THE DEAD. It was a subtle but important line in the sand.

infinite fool said...

The first Phish album I heard was A Picture of Nectar. It kind of reminded me of Zappa, so i thought, "hey, I'm gonna like these guys." It didn't work out that way.

As smug and dumb as their fans are (these same neo-hippy dimwits threaten to ruin Mountain Jam for me every year, but I persevere), it was the leaden music and deliberately cutesy approach to composition that ultimately pushed me away.

I did hear a great recording of Trey sitting in with Medeski, Martin and Wood once. Of course, there were no vocals, so that helped.

I also saw Mike Gordon's Ramble Rose (or whatever they're called) at the aforementioned Mountain Jam - they sucked far worse than Phish. Hearing all those same idiot phollowers (shouldn't someone tell them that white guys with dreads are cultural imperialists?) praise the "authenticity" of his bland take on country music was truly disappointing. I wanted to suggest that they track down some George Jones and Loretta Lynn albums, but that would have meant talking to them.

Jenny said...

Hey, I like remain in light!

E-mile said...

thanx phor these notes! it was phun while it lasted (the phirst 2 years/albums?!) but shouldn't reunite!
Phools...
peace, E-mile

Sugarmag said...

Hey Nazz, yeah, yer right. I saw Phish a few times, twas phun, but I have moved on and so should they...and yeah, showers are a good thing :)

see-zeck said...

horray for generalizations and redundancies!

Anonymous said...

Idiots

Ian said...

trash Phish all you want, but calling Remain In Light "odious" makes your musical opinion lose a lot of weight.

Anonymous said...

You guys belong on Tool Academy

Anonymous said...

You're a fucking tool, go phuck yourself.

Nazz Nomad said...

>>>>You're a fucking tool, go phuck yourself.<<<<

Dear anonymous...
You seem tense, did someone steal your hackey-sack?

Anonymous said...

fuck you asshole, you know absolutely dick about music, or writing, or being a decent human being. Go listen to some more simpleton loud screaming bullshit. I'll be listening to real musicians...

Nazz Nomad said...

Dear anonymous...
remember, it's hugs not drugs. you're harshing my mellow.

Ramone666 said...

Winding up hippies never goes out of style I see... Good one Nazz!

Anonymous said...

Its funny because it true. I'm not even mad you put down my band, the criticisms are valid.

phuck phish said...

hey man i am with ya a hundred percent check out my new blog phuckphish.wordpress.com, and help spread the real news of how this band has deceived millions into believing they are good.

Steve said...

I do enjoy Phish. In fact, they ar probably one of my favorite bands of all time. They have some amazing studio albums and what not...But thost fans are some of the most arrogant people ever. I went to a concert once and I guess I was standing in the wrong spot on the lawn because some dick-nose started slamming into me with his "dancing" and kept sayin, "You better leave, bitch," and tried to start a fight with me. Anyway, I moved on, and later that night I saw the same guy standing in the disgusting-ass bathroom of Alpine Valley fucking barefoot!...BAREFOOT! What a hardcore hippie...and peaceful, too!

Nazz Nomad said...

I was at Alpine Valley for the Dead reunion shows a few years ago. I wouldn't even use the bathroom there WEARING sneakers.

gomonkeygo said...

I like the contrast in your two "Anonymous" comments! You made somebody cry, I think. Good job.

Sorry about this, but: Phuck Phish. Can't stand 'em. Living with a neo-Dead Head for a year in the early 90s killed any interest in them and the Dead that I had a-growing. Taken me 15 years to start liking early Dead. Still hate everying post 1970.

Anonymous said...

You are a phag.
Im glad asshats like you wont be there. Have fun at home with you uber heady self brah....

Anonymous said...

Talking trash about Phish has been about the coolest thing for any music snob to do for the last 10 years. Get over yourself buddy!

You characterize Phish's music as pretentious and then position yourself as a contemporary!!?

I'm sorry, but which $175 million, festival-as-we-know-it inventing, biggest y2k ticketed event in the world, die-hard fan-adored rock&roll band were you in from 1983 - 2009?

The purist haters I can at least understand. The punk rock worldview has always been somewhat at odds with the the hippie's, and that's ok. It's the non-commital, middle ground wafflers that really confuse me. It's all disclaimers, all the time!

"I listened to a phair share of Phish (OK, I'll stop now)"

"I can admit to enjoying a phew (oops sorry) of their shows...

Phish heads love going to see live music, doing drugs, getting laid, getting stupid, walking barefoot, dancing, and basically having big-ass parties.

Rain on the fun parade all you want, but in the end, you're the one that lives for the comments on his pretentious, marginal blog.

Selling out your youth for a top hit in Technorati... dude, it's pretty sad.

Unwind, relax, nobody really cares! You know you like Phish more than you let on. Just enjoy what you enjoy and stop trying to hide from it.

Trust me, as somebody that just "re-discovered" phish after a 10 year departure into indie rock, art rock, and snob-rock... well, I couldn't be happier to be back!

Anonymous said...

"Trustafarian"?

"NYU rich prick"?

"the street smarts that were needed to survive"?

"bought his drugs cashing in Mater and Pater's college checks"?

and then:

i am contemplating buying some tix for the tour and selling em for a hefty mark-up! Hey, times are tough!?

All sorts of angry, entitled class issues in this one, aren't there?

Nazz Nomad said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

@infinite fool:

Love 'em or hate 'em, there is pretty much no critical or popular dissent here -- Phish and their fans almost single-handedly spearheaded the sprawling summer festival movement as we know it today.

Disagree? Just try naming a post-60's, pre-1996 multi-day camping music festival without hitting Wikipedia.

Phish's first overnight camping festival (The Clifford Ball) was in 1996. Mountain Jam started in 2005 -- 9 YEARS LATER!!!

No Mike Gordon = No Phish

No Phish = No Phish Summer Festivals

No Phish Summer Festivals = No Mountain Jam (or Bonnaroo, or Rothbury, and so on).

ergo:

No Mike Gordon = No Mountain Jam

Is that foggy baby boomer mind still befuddled? Let me simplify: Your precious good time at Mountain Jam wouldn't exist without those "smug, dumb" Phishheads paving the way with their suburban dollars.

Sheesh, talk about biting the hand that feeds you!

Nazz Nomad said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nazz Nomad said...

Dear anonymous #1:
You wrote: "You are a phag.Im glad asshats like you wont be there. Have fun at home with you uber heady self brah...." :


I tried to google your comment and translate it into English. I was unable to do so. Please lay off the nitrous and try again.

Dear anonymous #2:
What does being a contemporary in age and musical upbringing have to do with calling someone out on being pretentious? And why CAN'T the Punk Rock and "Hippie" (cough cough) worldview be similar? Wasn't it all spozed to be rebellion, and not $175 Million dollar festivals?
I don't have time to respond to the rest of your post as I have to figure out the next way to "sell out" my youth.

Dear anonymous #3:
I call em like I see em... If I can make some bucks on buying Phish tix and selling them, I would... I won't however, since I don't need the cash bad enough to deal with the whole hassle.

Maybe I'll just sell veggie burritos or "kind" brownies in the lot, than go piss on someone's car and leave my dog in a car with the sun beating down on him for four hours while I spin at the show.

Remember, it's Peace Love and Microdot!

Anonymous said...

Haha, no shit! What's less punk rock than scalping concert tickets? Nothing!

Oh wait, there is something less punk rock than scalping concert tickets: Thinking you're hardcore while living in a city that votes to post calorie counts next to it's soy lattes!

Oh wait, there's something even less punk rock than that! Running a friggin' punk blog that is hosted by friggin' megalo-corporation called Google!

You are a total dork my man.

Dude above is totally right -- all you wanna do is rain on other peoples fun. People that don't give a shit whether or not you live or die.

Anonymous said...

Oh come on, don't be such a pussy. The second half of my comment is the best half.

Respond! Respond! Respond!


"...It's the non-commital, middle ground wafflers that really confuse me. It's all disclaimers, all the time!

"I listened to a phair share of Phish (OK, I'll stop now)"

"I can admit to enjoying a phew (oops sorry) of their shows...

Phish heads love going to see live music, doing drugs, getting laid, getting stupid, walking barefoot, dancing, and basically having big-ass parties.

Rain on the fun parade all you want, but in the end, you're the one that lives for the comments on his pretentious, marginal blog.

Selling out your youth for a top hit in Technorati... dude, it's pretty sad.

Unwind, relax, nobody really cares! You know you like Phish more than you let on. Just enjoy what you enjoy and stop trying to hide from it.

Trust me, as somebody that just "re-discovered" phish after a 10 year departure into indie rock, art rock, and snob-rock... well, I couldn't be happier to be back!"

Anonymous said...

Oh, and as for the selling out your youth part -- deep down inside you know what I mean. If you saw Phish multiple times for multiple years, you know exactly how pure and exciting they can be.

Deny it all you want, which I know you will, but the fact that you're trying to disclaim what was a young, vibrant, and probably at times beautiful part of your past...

If that's not selling out your youth, I don't know what is.

Screw everybody else on here. You KNOW what I'm talking about.

Anonymous said...

You "sat" at a Phish show?

Anonymous said...

haha what a twerp!

how many jam band blogs have you seen that shit talk washed up manhattan punk rock wannabees?

that's right, none!

Nazz Nomad said...

One at a time boys and girls, one at a time!

The best line commented is the
"you sat at a Phish show? "... now THAT was clever!

In response - yes, but only long enough to fill a bowl.


Then I got up and listened to live music, doing drugs, getting stupid, and basically had big-ass parties. And having a great time, until I stopped having a great time. Than, I stopped going.

I have to pass on the "dancing"- never could figure out how to dance to a band that had no rhythm; nor could I claim to have been barefoot - I was never that big a fan of tetanus, dysentery or broken glass.

As far as the "getting laid"... I prefer being the one with the hairier legs and armpits in a relationship. Oh, yeah... and clean feet.


as for the Punk Rock blog labeling ... thanks for the compliment, but I've actually posted up just as much non-punk rock.

'round here, we play both kinds of music; country AND western.

It's heartening to see that some "pholks" get so interactive when it comes to "discussing" their favorite bands... passion is no ordinary word.

Phish are boring, redundant, and self-satisfied. Many of their fans are retro-hippies who would have been chewed up and spit out "back in the day" and can only exist on their mommy and daddy's hand-outs.
This summer, as you follow the band around, ask some of the lot kids... barefoot, dirty, and stinking like Trey Anastasio after a 2 week smack binge; holding a finger in the air looking for a "miracle; what their GPA was at their Private College this year.

Please stay in touch with your comments, positive or negative... as one of you said:
" I live for comments on my pretentious, marginal blog"


your pal,

Nazz

Anonymous said...

Come on ya weenie, post my comments! Just cause I'm a versatile writer doesn't mean I don't have valid points!

Or are you too busy reflecting over the hypocrisy of being an intolerant human being and having voted for Obama?

(I admit, I lied. I haven't un-bookmarked your blog yet!)

Aldo said...

There is not one part of this post that I don't agree with. And that is saying a lot. My first experience with Dead Heads in the 90's was not so great, but I have begun to actually consider the band to have contributed quality music. As for your quite accurate description of these neo hippies has my blood boiling. First of all, anyone I have known that has at least good taste in music can see that Phish just plain sucks. For me, their sound is to the point of if you don't take so many narcotics that anything would sound good, I can't make it through a single track. I have a few Trustie friends who have tried to sneak in Phish while driving to the disc golf course or similar circumstances, and no matter how blown out I was, I was like "Is this phucking phish again?" and they would be surprised that I could tell when the crap was playing, since I never listened to a complete song of my own volition. One last thing, Does anyone know of a good Phuck Phish t shirt I can get a hold of to wear to all the pseudo hippy events I tend to be at (Farmer's Markets, Food Co-Ops, ultra liberal towns like Ann Arbor, Boulder, and Berkeley), I just want people to know If I am a fan of the Grateful Dead, it is not the same as being a no-taste-in-music phish phucker?

Anonymous said...

We're all entitled to our opinions I suppose. I've been going since '92 and will have racked up 6 shows this year when all is said and done. Mostly these days the scene seems to be young kids looking for something to call their own. It's sad that their isn't something new for them to follow. I never had dreds, never went barefoot and have seen enough shows to official declare myself insane. to each their own.

Anonymous said...

This is truly the worst site I have come across.
pretty immature writing. I'm not a Phish fa, so before you go off on your little rant, just let it go..

Nazz Nomad said...

wow- I wrote this puppy 3 years ago and people still keep the hate flowing- cool!! I thought most Phish-Heads would have showered or got jobs by now.

Katy said...

Thanks for sharing! I am sort of in love with your blog.

Anonymous said...

All weight
U Phucking tool!
Don't go to the shows, one less clueless asshole my dog has to piss on!! LMAO!
Phish rocks & the phans hate u too deuce bag!!