Starving children... Unacceptable!

Yeah- you're all too cool for school.

But I watched the American Idol telethon last nite, and I can report:

I still don't understand why Ellen Degeneres is popular. There have to be talented funny lesbians out there that can actually be entertaining. Hillary Clinton comes to mind.

Earth Wind & Fire performed first. Then Quincy Jones showed up. Apparently, there are no black entertainers under the age of 80 that wanted the opening gig.

Elvis Presley performed with Celine Dion (thanks to the magic of television). In my perfect universe, Celine Dion died on the toilet in 1977 and Elvis is still alive and performing in Vegas nightly.

Jack Black sang "Kiss From A Rose" in some stupidly rigged "random" audience selection. Of course, Fox blew it by showing Kyle Gass about 15 seconds before the shtick began. Than Seal showed up to "critique" Jack Black. And also to impregnate Heidi Klum again.
Kelly Clarkson (dressed like some early 70's house-frau) performed with JEFF BECK (looking as Jeff Beckish as ever- in other words... like the bastard half brother of Ric Ocasek and Todd Rundgren) and of course was wonderful.

Carrie Underwood was shown serenading starving African children with a Pretenders song. Perhaps it would have went over better if she would have brought some freakin' sandwiches with her! I can just see the producers...

"OK kids, just sit there and listen to the nice lady sing. Nigel, pan the camera away from the two kids that just died. All right, another two minutes and we have a baloney sandwich for you kids.".

Madonna appeared via video from Africa and chastised us all. I think she adopted 9 more african kids (she had to stay under ten to be allowed to use the express check-out aisle).

Bono is sporting the "Bent" concentration camp hairstyle. He showed up at the end to "coach" the contestants and heal some lepers. He also related how years ago some poor starving african father wanted Bono to take one of his starving african children back to Ireland with him. Bono turned him down. Kid died. Thanks Bono.

Anne Lennox came on to sing "Bridge Over Troubled Water" even worse then Johnny Cash did. Of course, Johnny Cash had the excuse that he recorded the song 2 weeks after he died.

PS- Hey Annie... after you hit 60, it woulda really helped to start wearing a bra. Old lady hooters are not really that tasty to look at, easpecially after watching starving kids for an hour.

The AI contestants were all dressed in white. Because they're angels, y'know.

The relentless "save the children" video footage was heart-wrenching.

no one was voted off. it wouldn't have fit in with the spirit of charity I guess.

And yes... I donated money. Although I know deep down, it will end up in the pockets of some dirt bag savage war-lord.

It's pathetic that people only wake up to the plight of starving children in our country as well as the world when celebrities and TV programs get involved. None of the information presented last night should have been a surprise to anyone.

The situation in this world in which children starve and suffer is unacceptable. If you can donate money to a charity, you should. Any charity. But you knew that already. Nuff said.

Save The Children
One.org
American Idol Aid

Toonage:

One - U2 (Live at Live 8 - 2005)
Bridge Over Troubled Water - Simon and Garfunkel